Holiday Grill Session

Here are some of the most asked questions, students hear every holiday.

Every holiday your parents and even those extra family members you only speak to once a year come out the woodworks as if they’re the FBI with questions they know they really don’t care about. So here are a list of the most popular questions asked and how to go about answering them to the point, your family may never ask them again.

A. The good answer to tell the family.

or

B. The answers that are going through your head but could very well get you killed.

1. So, how is school going? How are your grades?

Family members ask this question like clock work, knowing that they really don’t care about school or anything else going on in your life. This is that awkward conversation starter for those family members that you only speak to on holidays.

A. School is good, I love all my classes and I am excited to use these tools later in my field.

B. Maybe you should’ve gone and you would know – or – Listen here dad your money is not going to waste, so it’s alright as long as you know that D’s get degrees.

2. Have you thought about what you’re gonna do with your life?

What does how I live my life, have to do with yours? I get why my mother may ask because I know she does not want me to move back in with her but everyone else, Why?

A. I have actually been in deep thoughts about that this semester. I want to make sure that I go into something that I will enjoy doing everyday of my life for the next few years. I will hopefully have an idea by the new year.

B. I’ll think about what I’ll do with my life, when you figure out what you’re gonna do with yours besides hassle me.

3. How much will you be making a year?

I don’t know why family members who don’t even pay your tuition find this question so important because 1. When I do make a lotof money, you won’t get anything and 2. They always told me growing up it’s rude to ask people their age and how much they make.

A. It’s not really about the money for me, I chose a major that I know I will get up and enjoy for the rest of my life. Passion doesn’t make you money starting off but in due time.

B. Enough to make sure you won’t get passed the gates of my house Aunt Karen. *I do not have an Aunt Karen*

4. Are you dating? Or Is there a special someone in your life?

I know at weddings, baby showers or holiday events when your cousin brings home her new boyfriend, older family members have the urge to lean over and whisper ”You’re next,” and at funerals the disrespectful side of me is urging me to lean over and say “You’re next” but what is it with folks feeling like being single is such a curse. I am 22, I have a whole life to live for at least another 8 years before you need to be worried.

A. You have three options for this answer because not everyone’s parents are the same. These are the answers you use to dupe your parents into believe you have it all together.

Play on their values, if you have a religious parent you use the “I’m trying to grow closer to God route.” If you have a parent that is really about your degree stick to the “I am focused on school right now and my different organizations and adding someone to that can really mess things up, I don’t want any distractions.”

Or you can keep it simple and be neutral “I’m really taking this time out for me. I don’t want to rush into anything because giving your heart to someone is serious and I don’t want to make a mistake. When I do find someone you’ll be the first to know.

B. Listen here I am a lone wolf and when the time is right maybe I’ll meet another lone wolf and we can become a pack but until then you can find me howling at this Christmas ham, I am about to eat solo.

5. Are you gaining weight?

This is that question the women in the family always want to ask.

A. If I am, there’s more of me to love

B. The stress of college and a bad diet is my excuse, what is yours?

6. Are you up there making babies?

Luckily, this is not a question I get because my mother knows I am too mean to actually attract anyone but I have friends who get this question. There are no responses to that question, because that’s just setting yourself up. So use facial expressions like…

A. 

 

B. 

 

Now that you’ve seen the answers, it’s best that you just go ahead and stick to A’s because the B’s will have you starving and out on the street for every holiday the next 20 years.